The Complexion Complex

‘The ugly Duckling’ – the famous fairy tale by Hans Christian Anderson is very close to my heart. It is the story of a baby swan misplaced among a bunch of ducklings that is ridiculed, mocked and ignored for its ugly grey wings. I related so much with the story. I have a wheatish complexion and was a misfit among my fair cousins just like that duckling. Wherever I went, people would make sneer comments at my complexion. They would ask my mother; how come I was dark when she was so fair. There were comments like ‘She has good features - just that she’s wheatish’ or ‘cute girl, would have been nice if she was fair too.’ My cousins would tease me with all sorts of songs and jingles that they could think of. Ladies in the family would suggest my mother all sorts of concoctions to improve my complexion.  I felt bad and just wished God had bestowed me with fair skin.

My grandma gave me the example of Krishna who was dark, yet so popular and I would feel a little better. I used it as my defense to the jibes of the fairer breed. As I grew older, there were remarks on how difficult it would be to find a good groom for me due to my skin shade. Gradually I got used to remarks on my complexion. They didn’t bother me that much. I realized it was not the whole-sole of my personality. I’m sure many of you, who have not been blessed with a clearer complexion like me, must have faced similar situations living in the shadow of fairer parents, siblings or friends. Some people outgrow their complex while others struggle with it all their lives.

I have often wondered where this discrimination stems from. Maybe from colonial India where the fair skinned ruled us. Actually the notion originated even before the Brits came. People of superior social status were fair and those involved in manual labor worked hard in the sun and were dark. This obsession with fair complexion has lasted to this day and has spawned a multi-crore fairness business with a horde of beauty products in the market.

Even today fairness is synonymous with beauty in our country, specially for females who are ironically called the ‘fairer sex’ and maybe that is why, have to live up to the adage. Have a look at any matrimonial advertisement and you will realize that every prospective groom wants a fair bride. Things have changed to some extent in certain parts of society, maybe with lots of dusky actresses having rocked the screen. But in most parts of our country, the differentiation continues.

“I could not relate beauty to fairness. I have seen beautiful women who are dusky and wheatish,” said Dipannita Sharma, a supermodel who refused to endorse a fairness cream early in her career. I couldn’t have agreed more. My complexion is a part of my individuality and I’m content with it. Yes- dark is my color, but it is the color of my skin, not the color of my heart.

Happy Mother's Day

 "God couldn't be everywhere, so he created mothers". How true!

 The second Sunday of May is celebrated in many parts of the world as mother's day. It's a day dedicated to motherhood. Mother– the loveliest creation of God, whom he bestowed with the power to bring a new life into this world. She is the one who can be soft and gentle to tender to her little one, but at the same time she can be strong and powerful to protect her family from harm.

Most of us would agree that a mother has the strongest influence in our lives. She imbibes in us, all the values of life that make us the person we are. She bears many hardships in life for the welfare of her children. Family happiness is the highest priority in her life. She spends sleepless nights caressing sick toddlers in arms, singing lullabies and reading out fairy tales to her kids after a hard day's work. Numerous times she has sacrificed her wishes for the sake of her kids- opting for the circus instead of the movie theatre or choosing cartoon network over daily soaps, the fancy dress over a kitty party- all with a smile. She has to play many roles as a mother– she is a friend, soul mate, teacher, doctor, agony aunt – all in one.

She has taught us everything from brushing our teeth to reading and writing, from tying shoe laces to table manners- we are but a reflection of her. She cares gently for her sick child, but is the strict disciplinarian when he does something wrong. However old we may grow, for them we are the little one she brought into the world and she will always love us and care of us in the same way as she did when she first took us in her arms.

Their contribution to the society is huge and immeasurable. Mothers are the true builders of society since they have the greatest influence in crafting the future generation. Hence their job is very demanding and one of huge responsibility. It is all the more difficult for the modern mother who juggles between office meetings and school homework, putting in that extra effort each day to balance her ambitions and her home.

She is the epitome of love and care, willpower and determination. She makes uncountable sacrifices for her family day in and day out without raising an eyebrow. A mother does so much for her children, the least one can do is acknowledge her hard work and her selfless love. Although I don't have my mother anymore to reach out to, I can still feel her fragrance, her love and I cherish memories of all the time I spent with her. So this goes out to all the moms- “Thank You and a very happy mother's day!”

EPL - Education Premiere League

Along with the IPL excitement, it's also time for EPL or Education Premiere League - the time of the year when students make the transition from school to college. I see the kids around me all busy with college admission forms and entrance exams and their parents all anxious about which college they would manage to get into.

Surprisingly, things haven't changed much since I started college about a decade ago. Even today 'Engineering' and 'Medical' are the most coveted professions and students and their guardians would do anything to get into an engineering/medical college. A failure to get into this premiere league leads to utter depression and despair for parents and candidates alike. Some parents think its the end of the world and their wards can no longer have a secure future. In many cases they insist their children take a year off from college and prepare again for the entrance exams. I don't blame them completely though- with these being degrees that can secure your life and give you financial stability and social recognition- no doubt it is the most safe bet.
What we all miss out here is to identify the candidate's interest and aptitude.The result being that whereas we have a huge number of engineers dissatisfied with their monotonous jobs, we lose out on good artists, photographers,writers and the like.
Reasons are many - lack of knowledge about these alternate professions among the parents and their wards, lack of professional counselling in identifying their skills, where they fit in best and what professional courses are available for them. Another factor is that whereas engineering and management colleges are mushrooming in every nook and corner, it's very difficult to find a good art or photography course.
I would agree that the situation has improved in metros and A tier cities, with people becoming a little more open about these 'non-conventional' career options. In smaller cities, like the one I come from, these are still taboo. Anyone who wants to become a photographer, artist, journalist or the like, is branded useless with no future and all attempts are made to discourage him/her.
India really needs a change in its perspective so that people feel free to do what they really want to and have enough opportunities to pursue their dreams.